Change is in the Air

Octavia Butler says that “change is the one unavoidable, irresistible, ongoing reality of the Universe.”

With change comes transformation, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Most people stay stuck in their routines, their misery, their general lives because they fear change.  Change is inevitable; we cannot control it nor predict it.  Had I not been so fearful of so many things when I was in my early 20s, I would have studied abroad, I would have gone to grad school in a French speaking school in Canada like I wanted, I would have moved to a big city, I would have tried to get different jobs, I would have done lots of things.  But the fact that I didn’t do any of those things made me who I am today.

Autumn is one of the four seasons of the year and is the time of year that transitions summer into winter. Along with the tree leaves changing color, the temperature grows colder, plants stop making food, animals prepare for the long months ahead, and the daylight starts growing shorter.

I've heard from several people lately that they are antsy with the changing season.  Fall creates anxiety because people do not like change.  But why?  Shouldn’t we embrace change?  Shouldn’t we be excited that something different is happening?  Shouldn't we embrace change and allow it to better ourselves, to help us grow to become who we truly are meant to be?

I myself stick to the Serenity Prayer when I am struggling with change.  I have to know that it will all be alright, that everything happens for a reason, and that the change will bring good things.

“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This has always been my favorite prayer.  In AA, it is the most common prayer that is said at every meeting, is written all over the walls, and is something for which we all strive.  However, when I was really drinking, I would say this to myself, crying.  I would accept that I could not stop drinking, but I knew I didn’t have the courage to change it (at that time).  I was desperate to stop, but was terrified to do so.  Fear of change kept me from doing what I needed to do.

The same thing goes for big changes in my life.  I am going through several changes; I am doing everything possible to better myself and to get to where I want to be.  It’s not going to happen overnight, but it is going to happen.  I have to be patient and give myself time.  I also have to accept that I cannot change the actions or ideas of others.  No matter how hard I try, I have no control over another.  

In my meeting yesterday, the topic was change and how fall brings dread to so many because of the changing of the seasons, but also because it makes them look inward at their own changes going on within them or physically around them.  It made me want to look at change in a positive way instead of a negative (whoa- me being positive instead of negative for once!)  I realized that in everything that is changing around me, whether good or bad, I have a part in it and I can control my part.  I know that I am working to become a better person, and I look forward to the changes that will come with me.  I ask for the gift of time for other changes that I cannot control.  

Every time change comes up, it is testing us.  We are tested to see how we handle it, or if we can even handle it.  Lots of people choose to turn the other way, and not even look at the opportunities change will bring them.  I, on the other hand, do not do well when I fail a test.  I am taking this as a challenge.  I am going to do everything I can to embrace these changes, whether they scare the shit out of me or not.  I am going to allow these changes to sweep over me. I am going to accept the changes I can control and let go of the ones that I cannot.

I just learned recently that my name comes from Greek origin and means “torch” or “shining light.” I don’t know if I have ever been told this before; if I have I don’t remember.  I am using this to really think about the way I see things. I can bring light to people, to help them make changes in their life.  This goes along with the job I really want of being a counselor of some sort, like a recovery coach.  I can help people accept the changes in their life that they can control, and I can tell them when they need to let go of things because it is out of their control.  I can envision myself like the Olympic torch, being handed off by people of all races and ethnicities.  Each person brings their own experience and hope to the torch.  I bring everyone together, knowing it or not, and lead them.  I am a rescuer, a leader, and an inspiration.  I am learning all of these things because of the change within myself.

Change means growth.  It’s a time for celebration, not dread.  It means I am ready to move ahead- that I have passed the current test.